Please, I don’t want you all to think I’m neglecting this blog, I’ve been busy, the sights of the world don’t photograph themselves. Though this is not to say I haven’t been searching, looking, exploring the nooks and the crannies of the city for a cafe baring the gift of a magnificent caramel slice. It’s just that they don’t exist, at least not where I’ve been searching in Newcastle.
A full-time job has put things on hold and searching is less often and so I present you with a most distressing review on a caramel slice that I know I wont like.
This cake is from a new range of slices, a bit like Mr Kipling’s slices, only not as good and cheaper and not very cheerful.
Right, it tastes okay, it doesn’t jump out and grab my taste buds and throw flavour particles in a rainbow of frenzied fire, quite the opposite, it just…tastes.
It’s a production line caramel slice, wrapped in plastic, placed in cardboard and wrapped again in plastic for good measure. I hate the overuse of packaging…I did a photography project on it a year ago.
Smells like digestive biscuits, but I suppose it would as 80% of it is a digestive.
The caramel is fudgey, sugary, cheap and weirdly fruity, plastic fruity, like skittles, I prefer skittles.
The base is moist and has more holes than a Swiss cheese. Moisture = greasy and I’d prefer a dry crumbly digestive biscuit biscuit.
A thin waft of chocolate lies almost unnoticed upon the caramel top and dangles over the sides like a school boy hung over a banister, and is clinging on for dear life as he doesn’t want to fall into the ugly bosomed teacher below.
(Side Note: I make up a lot of words in my blogs and yet none of them have been as good selfie and twerking…this is disappointing)
This is not a caramel slices, its an afternoon snack, it’s unrecognizable on the plate of real food, it’s gone in one, inhaled, vaporized, teleported to the stomach, not enjoyed, not asking for more, it’s lost among the shelves.
It doesn’t crumb, it doesn’t crunch, it’s greasy and ugly. I’d rather keep it wrapped up in winter clothes, than full frontal summer attire and the chocolate toupee does nothing to hide the shame.
Waste of money, leave it be. Though if you care it’s 7 x 2.5 x 1.5 cm thick, six to a packet. Whatever supermarket you see it in, go for the supermarkets own brand of slices, they will be better, I’m sure.
1 out of 10