Hartside Top Cafe, Pennines


I’m totally disobeying the order that I originally had set out and I am furthering the distance between some slices I ate over Easter and incidentally making two people unhappy that I am not reviewing a caramel slice provided by them. I’m sorry for that. But I am here to share with you the highest caramel slice I have ever, bought, consumed and reviewed.

At an altitude of about 1903 feet I ate a considerably badly homemade caramel slice.

I think the slice had altitude sickness, the caramel was goopy and had no life to give.

So I was on top of Hartside hill in the Pennines on the second day of our Coast to Coast cycle ride. I am familiar of the views, the food and horde of sweating cyclists after completing the journey, now, four times.

The top of Hartside was covered in snow. Slowly melting snow..well more like ice really.

I sat down in the cafe on top on a mist free day, with a cup of tea, a cheese and tomato sandwich and some sugary goodness in the form of chocolate cake and of course a caramel slice. With a lack of paper, I scribbled my notes on the back of a cookie box, that I had been carrying in my front pannier, it contained one choc-chip cookie and a four pack of three Boost chocolate bars. I’m not an unhealthy eater, cyclist’s like sugar whilst cycling long distance. 🙂

Here’s one for you: The slice measures forefinger x little finger x one-third of forefinger. I had no ruler to measure it with. My hand worked moderately well. That’s approximately 8cm x 6cm x 1.5cm thick, that’s a nice size slice and so it ought to be for £2.00.

Went I tried to smell it, all I smelt was the plate..and it didn’t have anything going for it, in terms of looks, with the caramel oozing out the side.

No matter where I placed my hands I got a sticky finger. No serviette at my table, though I needed one bad..

The base was crumbly and sticky too and made for a great mess upon my plate, chin and bottom lip. The base contained the only strong, albeit bland flavour, the caramel held no significant flavour what so ever. The chocolate was thin and pathetic to say the least.

The great sugar inside benefitted I’m sure, but my tastes buds felt left out.

I originally gave it 4 out of 10, but I don’t know why.

1 out of 10, that’s 1 point for effort.



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